It’s quite easy to hurt a person especially a loved one with a word or an action during a fight.
The resentment can linger for much longer after the fight is over thereby, ruining the once loving relationship.
Below are ten actions to totally avoid when having a misunderstanding or fight with a loved one:
Never resort to name-calling
Name-calling or zeroing in one of your partner’s insecurities or vulnerabilities during an argument is a low blow. You may be angry, hurt or frustrated in the moment, but that’s no excuse for this type of behavior.
If you’ve been with your partner long enough, you probably have a sense of certain things about them that would be especially hurtful if you brought them up during an argument.
The problem with these types of jabs is that they can be particularly difficult to move past.
Try focusing on the issue at hand rather than making personal attacks and saying something about your partner that you will probably later regret.
Arguments can be tough to get through, but you still want to demonstrate mutual respect towards each other.
Never fight in public
If you allow yourself and your partner to fight in a public place then, most likely, you do not respect each other or the surrounding people.
Do not take skeletons out of your closet in public. It’s way better to talk about your issues at home.
Do not go to bed separately
If it wasn’t a tradition to go to bed together, ensure on the day of any fight you consciously make the attempt to actually retire to bed together as this will ease the atmosphere and quickly resolve the conflict.
You may end up lying back to back at first, but in the morning you will wake up in each other’s arms without the tiniest hint of last night’s fight.
Note: By going to sleep separately, you show that you are not ready to make up.
Never walk away mid-argument.
When a person completely shuts down or disengages in the middle of an argument without warning, it makes your partner feel as though you’ve pulled the rug out from under them.
The conflict remains unresolved and it leaves your partner alone, confused and even more frustrated.
Simply leaving the house during a fight will only show how uncomfortable you feel staying under the same roof as your partner.
Slamming the doors, running into the darkness, leaving the conflict unresolved, all these will make your partner think twice about your level of maturity.
It’s way better to wait until you both calm down, and then you can discuss everything as adults.
However, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a timeout, that’s fine. But it’s better to voice that to your partner than to just bail.
Never ever talk about divorce/separation
When you say “Let’s divorce or go our separate ways” during a fight, this can become the biggest insult ever.
These words have the ability to hurt the feelings of your partner really badly. And the more often you say them, the faster the divorce will actually occur.
If you love each other, never talk about parting.
Never make a major decision during an argument.
When things between you and your partner are heated, you probably don’t have the clarity necessary to make a weighty decision. Instead, wait until things have cooled down before you try to come to a consensus.
Unless you are in an immediate health and safety situation such as domestic violence, it is usually wise to refrain from making important decisions during the heat of battle, when emotions tend to run high and judgment tends to run low.
Never bring up past mistakes or unrelated issues to deflect and distract.
If you want to fight fair, then dredging up your partner’s past errors in a bid to “win” the argument is a big no-no.
It’s often irrelevant to the present debate, counterproductive and can make your partner extra defensive.
If the main cause of the fight is a pile of unwashed dishes, then let it stay that way.
Do not remind your partner of all their prior wrongdoings as this is a way to turn a minor domestic issue into a big ugly conflict.
It is always best to address the direct cause of the fight rather than bringing in other past issues into the present one.
Work through the issue rather than focusing on being ‘right’ or the ‘winner’
Even in the heat of an argument, try to remember that you and your partner are on the same team.
So proving how “right” you are and how “wrong” they are isn’t a worthwhile pursuit. Plus, if you’re more focused on building your case than you are on understanding your partner’s point of view, you’re not going to get very far.
Finding middle ground or agreeing to disagree helps a relationship to thrive while both partners feel worthy of consideration.
Never get physical/Avoid violence at all cost
While fighting, people tend to show the worst sides of their character.
Some, trying to prove themselves right or more powerful than the other, resort to violence.
Don’t ever allow yourself or your partner to use violence, no matter how angry you might be with each other.
The physical pain caused by a loved one has the ability to kill all the feelings that once bound you together.
Don’t include other family members in your fight(s)
Your fight concerns only the both of you and no one else.
By drawing your parents or any other family member into the conflict, you risk turning a regular fallout into a real family mess.
Even if harmony returns to your relationship, the other members of the family will most likely remember everything and use that against you or your partner when given a chance.
Thus, it best to handle your issues between the both of you than bringing the entire family into it as long as no one is being battered.
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