DearBunmi,
My husband gets a load of kicks from flirting with other women. For the eight years we’ve been married, I’ve watched him chat-up women and I’ve had countless nights anxiously waiting for him to come home from his night-crawling. Now after his last affair, where his latest girlfriend insulted me to my face in his presence, I’ve decided I can no longer live with him.
When I told him I wanted to quit the marriage, he said that suited him fine, as he was thinking of going abroad to work.
This would mean our two children might not even see him. It’s hell being with a man who can’t stay faithful, but if I end our marriage, my children will lose their father. What should I do?
BiIikis, bye-mail
Dear Bilikis,
Being married to a casanova can be a nightmare. Flirting might be harmless but it led him to having affairs, while controlling you and does what he likes. Now that you’ve found the strength to fight back, he’s making you feel guilty for the hurt your children may feel at the separation.
As a mother, you naturally want them to have contact with their father, but you can’t make your husband a responsible father. He has shown little respect for you and your marriage.
You deserve better, and if he’s unwilling to change, then you are right to end the relationship. While your children need a father they also deserve a happy mom. Perhaps your threat to end the marriage has made him invent his job abroad, so you’ll change your mind.
Let him know that going away would be his choice; and he will have to justify this to his children in the years to come. As much as plausible, I always try to advise couples to stay together, but unless your husband shows real desire to change, you owe it to yourself to build a happier life for you and your children.
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