Hi, my dear readers. Women Matters debuts today. The column is dedicated to issues around women and relationships. Please, keep a date with me. Today, we are discussing the gains and pains of a spouse keeping a member of the opposite sex as their bestie. Would you be comfortable with your wife/husband/partner having such a relationship? Below are responses from contributors on the topic:
Nwaibe Ositadinma
Women in a relationship should not keep male besties. First, I see no reason having a male bestie in a relationship. Having a man in your life is because you need a companion, someone you can talk to. Your man should be your best friend. There should be a good relationship in everything among you guys. Sometimes, male besties do things unexpectedly. You might end up doing things that is not right and that can spoil the relationship.
Ojo Olalekan
It is not possible to be in a relationship and still have a male bestie. For me, as a boyfriend, I would not trust any woman telling me this: “He is just my bestie, nothing attached.”
Abdulrahaman Olayinka
Being in a relationship should not restrict one from having a male bestie. The role of a boyfriend is different from that a bestie — plus, there are some people in one’s life that are irreplaceable. There could be limitations to the relationship with a male bestie while being in another relationship, but it is not like staying away from them. Besides, being away from them does not justify loyalty. Trust should be a foundation in every healthy relationship. It would have been better if it is to stay away from bad friends — regardless of gender — than stating male besties even if they are the best in one’s life. In all, it depends on knowing one’s partner and the definition of the relationship to the parties.
Doyinsola Teru
A Woman in a committed relationship should never entertain another man under the disguise of ‘best friend’. It is unavoidable that a man and a woman would find connection and common interest which would evolve into deep friendship and it is fine until she is committed to another man. It is only a matter of time and the bestie relationship starts posing a threat to the real relationship, especially when she is emotionally attached to the bestie and starts prioritising the best friend over her partner. I believe in every serious relationship, your partner should be your best friend.
Falaiye Ayomide
Women could develop real emotional connections with people they are not attracted to. These relationships are no threat to a healthy relationship. We would all have healthy and nurturing relationships, even with the opposite sex at one point in life. But one should set boundaries by defining the relationship and make it clear that you are just friends. Also, it is important to be honest with one’s partner so the friendship does not damage ones relationship. If the partner does not feel comfortable or feels it is a threat to their relationship, then there should be a deeper conversation to address their concerns about the friendship.
Lakim Douglas
Being in a relationship and still keeping a male bestie is just like keeping a chicken as a pet. You must surely eat it one day. That evil thought needs to be scrapped out of your mentality.
Ifeoluwa Akinsola
A lot of people think that having a male best friend while in a relationship is cool, but it has negative effects. I would say that a man as a best friend would be someone you think you have a lot in common with. Though, you as a lady might not connect to the man romantically, he would surely have feelings for you but might not have the boldness to ask you out or does not want to spoil the friendship. Also, I think that when you have a boyfriend, he should be your best friend. In all, I would say it is a bad idea to have a male best friend while in a relationship.
Oloruntoba Stephen
The answer is a capital NO. Love is about feeling and compassion. Why would a woman still have a male bestie when she is already in a relationship?
Victor Abaagu
There is no such thing as you having a male bestie. Once we are in a relationship, get rid of him.
Ayobami Azare
I believe it is up to the woman in the relationship to determine if her male bestie is worth keeping while in a relationship with another person. However, women should always consider their partner’s feelings, and have open and honest communication with them to ensure their partner is comfortable with them having a male bestie. No doubt, communication and trust are key factors in any relationship. So, if a woman has a male best friend, it is important to be open and honest with her partner about the nature of the friendship and make sure that it does not cause any discomfort or jealousy. Also, setting boundaries and respecting each other’s feelings is very important. How much time and energy a woman is investing in the friendship with her male best friend is another factor to be properly watched — whether it is taking away from her the time and energy spent on her romantic relationship or not.
Enitan Ogunmodede
For me, I would say yes. Still keep your best friends, but just naturally. There would be boundaries to things because you would spend more time with your partner – getting to know them. But, that does not mean the end of a life-long friendship.
Feyi Sulaimon
A woman’s relationship with all male friends should be super transparent to her partner and there should be reasonable boundaries.
Oluwaseun Toluwalase
The foundation of every healthy relationship is solid friendship. A bestie is someone’s best/intimate friend – a friend you would tell things you are afraid of telling any person. A woman should not keep a bestie other than her man, her partner. A male bestie, for a woman in a relationship, is a NO. Whatever happened to the partner being the bestie?
Modupeola Abayomi
Women in relationship should keep their bestie, so far as it is just on a friendship note − especially for those that have been friends for a long time. Friendship is not just something that could go away easily. True friends are rare. When you find one, hold them tight. The woman has a lot to do in that regard. Firstly, introducing her male bestie to her fiancée, telling him everything about the friendship, opening up all that there is to concerning the friendship. At this point, she should not welcome close-door meetings with the bestie. In fact, it is okay for the male bestie to come visiting when the spouse is around. This is easier said than done if there is not trust in the relationship. One fun fact about men is that they get jealous than women. So, a woman that wants to introduce a male bestie to her partner should be sure there is no string attached to the friendship. Many of what we have today in the name of friendship are ‘friends with benefit’. Maturity is also an important point we need to look into. If your man is not emotionally mature, which is so scarce among our youths of today, do not bother introducing any male bestie to him. At that point, you need to choose between your bestie and your fiancée. I believe there is nothing bad in having a male bestie for a woman while in a relationship.
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