I got the thought of this piece from the following post sent to me, which is the communication of a wife with her husband, and that of his side chick with him.
WIFE
Shey you can’t call me since morning abi?
Mr workaholic Oga ileise.
You are doing as if It’s only you that’s working in that office; oversabi. (I too know).
It’s OK murasi. (Continue) Wa ba mi nile. (I am waiting for you at home).
Continue Eran lo fi siile abi? (May be, it’s a goat you have at home) Rubbish.
Agbaya Oniranu, Onirinkurin (old fool! Unserious minded, “waka about” person).
SIDE CHICK
Sweety, you didn’t call since morning.
I guess you were busy @work.
Hope you had time to eat at least honey.
Don’t overwork yourself please oooooo You are precious to my life.
I will call you later sweetheart.
Take care of yourself for me your baby girl.
Missing you badly.
I love you lots…
Now, let us do the mathematics.
Most times, it is not juju they use in collecting husbands, let us learn from their sweet words.”
I have been there as well, together with my husband. It was always about poor communication with each other. The above referenced extract reminded me of those days when most of the quarrels were all about “see the way you are talking to me.” It really brought back old memories of my marital journey. I thus couldn’t resist the urge to put up a write up on how to eliminate ineffective communication in marriage.
One major issue in marriage is poor communication. We married people, are mostly guilty of this. And it doesn’t start from the marriage. Rather, it was something we grew up with in our society. We lack effective communication skills in our day to day relationships: we yell, scream, verbally assault one another. So, when married, we just became neck deep in it. This is because proximity breeds contempt. After all, we can afford to go plain with each other, without much restraint. It’s my husband or my wife who is involved.
You need to witness verbal insults couples throw at themselves in order to appreciate why couples must have to unlearn poor communication acquired, and learn effective communication skills. One way in which we can easily do this is to learn from those in extra marital affairs. You can see from the above extract that the side chick was a better communicator with the husband. She displayed courteous attitude, understanding, caring and loving disposition with great romance. This shows that when we care to, we can engage in effective communication, despite our poor and abusive communication background.
For avoidance of doubt, husbands are also guilty of poor communication. I remember a husband who told his wife that her soup was flat, because it lacked enough salt. Another one is ever screaming at his wife, at the slightest provocation. You will be wondering if the woman is just a mere house meander.
If we must enjoy our marriages and present it a worthy venture to incoming generation, we must engage in effective communication skills in our marriages.
In engaging in effective communication, couples must watch out for the following things:
Insult: We must avoid this in communication with our spouses.
Pride: Don’t use arrogant words and attitude in dealing with yourselves.
Harsh words: Don’t tell your spouse he/she is good for nothing.
Unloving comments: One wife told her husband that she just married him out of sympathy.
Threat: Don’t threaten your spouse with divorce or mental torture or physical abuse. It a source of vengeful thought and scheme.
Dishonour: Avoid dishonouring your spouse in your communication with him or her. Learn to speak with him or her, honourably. There’s nothing honourable in telling your spouse he or she doesn’t not make sense in his speech or comments.
If concubines communicate effectively, the married can also be intentional in engaging in effective communication. After all, some of them are part of the concubine culture. Charity of effective communication should be paramount at the home front. It may also render concubines irrelevant. After all, what we are looking for outside is abundantly present in the house.
READ FROM ALSO NIGERIAN TRIBUNE
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