I have only two children so I could train others —Dogara

Immediate past Speaker of the House of Representatives, Honourable Yakubu Dogara, recently celebrated his 32nd wedding anniversary. He hosted some newsmen, including ISHOLA MICHAEL, to a lunch during which he spoke about family and other related issues.

You recently celebrated 32 years of marital bliss with your wife. What would you say has kept you together for over three decades?

Life, of course, is not a bed of roses. It is just as the scriptures talk about our salvation, that we should work it with fear and trembling. It is the same thing. Everybody builds the home they want. You are not going to have a husband that fits a hundred per cent into what you are looking for. That man doesn’t exist. And you are not going to have a wife that fits a hundred per cent into your expectation. That woman doesn’t exist. All you need is a teachable spirit. Be sure you are able to talk to each other, understand each other. Make sure there is free flow of communication in the marriage and make sure that you practise forgiveness and then you have solved everything. I heard Papa Oyedepo say one time that he practises ‘advanced forgiveness’ and I have adopted that. I practise that, whether it is in the parlour, in the living room, wherever, in the bedroom, wherever. I have ‘advance forgiveness’ that I have stocked because I know that once you are dealing with human beings, you are not going to have a perfect situation, just as you are not perfect.

It is interesting hearing about this concept of ‘advanced forgiveness’. How do you do it?

If you tell yourself that you are not going to be hurt, you are not going to be offended, you are not going to have issues, you are deceiving yourself. You won’t go far unless you are dealing with an angel. Even angels are not perfect. At least, Lucifer was one of the finest, if not the most beautiful of all the, angels and look at what happened to him. So, it shows that no matter how we strive in perfection, something is there. We are clothed with garments of imperfection. Once you find a perfect human being, you have found God, just go down and worship that person but you can never find one. So, that is why practising forgiveness is incumbent on us.

It is understood that you have only two children. Did you experience some sort of delay or was it a decision that you and your wife made?

I want to thank God and appreciate Him for the fruit of the marriage. Children are here. It was always a battle between me and my dad before he left us: ‘Why would you give birth to only two?’ I said ‘I want to stop there so I can train others’. Imagine if I had about seven, they would consume virtually everything I have and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to extend a helping hand to others. You know, in life, we were born to be helpers; not for us to live for us but to live for others. Look at the impact of Jesus Christ, merely 33 years on earth. Look at the impact, it has been generational. People have tried all manner of things to cut his fame into pieces but it has never worked. It has survived from generation to generation because he devoted everything that God gave Him to the service of humanity and that is why you can never erase Him, you can never cancel Him from history.

How has life been for you, your wife and the children?

I want to thank God not only for my wife but for the two kids. We have never had any issues with any of them except for occasional health challenges. I remember I told my son sometime that if there was anybody who wanted to serve God more in this house, it should be him. This is because as a young boy, he was taken on admission at Zankli and one day, the doctor called me and said he had been in a coma for more than two hours. Then she told me that he was still alive. I think she is the head of Zankli Hospital right now. She told me, ‘Young man, I have done the best I can but it is like there is no hope. Just prepare yourself and see what you can do after this but I don’t think your son is going to make it’. I held her hands and said, ‘okay, Doctor. Thank you very much’. It was towards Christmas like this, I remember very well. I said, ‘Now that you have done your best and nothing seems to be working, God will step in’. She said that she suspected that he had sickle cell and his genotype was SS. I said no, there was nothing impossible with God, ‘God will change his genotype’. I said, ‘You can go home; we are still here’. I went somewhere and quietly, I prayed: ‘God, you cannot disgrace me. I will not lose this child. Never! Except you don’t exist’. Shortly after I said the prayer, I went into the room and then somehow, my son just jerked up.

How were you able to exhibit such level of faith?

Honestly, I had already given up hope myself. It was just God and that was about the biggest miracle God has done for us in these 25 years and I will never forget it. It was really a test of faith.

How would you describe your relationship with your wife as a politician?

For my wife, I don’t know what to say. She has been a blessing for us. She has been able to hold the home front very well as I go politicking. Most of the days, I am not around, even if I am in Abuja. I have to describe myself as a non-resident father; I am around but never available. That has been the situation but she has been faithful. She continues to bless us with everything God has imbued her with. She is our mother. She has done everything for us. She is mothering very well and I pray that she will never grow tired.

How long did you date before getting married?