Ayinba Joy Adams is the wife of Aare Ona Kakanfo of Yorubaland. In this Interview with BOLA BADMUS and SEGUN KASALI, she discussed her growing-up experiences.
WHAT was the feeling like growing up as the only daughter of your dad?
It was nice. I grew up among boys. I was daddy’s girl. You want to get to my dad, you have to come through me. So, I had that privilege and there was love from my mum too. It was just a small happy family. But, I remember my dad was not going to stress-gift me. Sometimes, it is easier getting things from him even though I would still get from mum. That privilege was there for being a favourite child. He has always been there for me. There is this daddy’s girl treatment even up till now.
Being the only girl amidst guys, how was it?
As guys, they would always want to protect their sister from other guys. I was not a tom-boy. I have always been girly. Growing amidst boys was fun and, of course, I interacted with my female cousins. One thing I love about boys’ lifestyle is that they are easy-going, kind of. Guys can have issue and before you know it, they have settled it within minutes. So, I learnt how to resolve things almost immediately. But, this is not like girls, who can have issues with each other and hold on to it for months. So, I learnt that growing up with them and that has really helped me too.
Do you look like your mum or dad?
I look like my mum. My dad is very organised, he plans and prepares for his things ahead. That I learnt from him. On the other hand, my mum is highly-generous. She can give her last.
Who was the disciplinarian?
I think my mum. She had once threatened to use the cane on me. My parents don’t use cane but words. She can shout at you. I remember when Super Story was on board and we had to make the TV signal clear before the programme, but one of my brother’s friends came and splashed water on the television and it stopped working. We knew we were all in trouble should mummy return. So, we started planning. When she got back, it was something else. But, my dad said he was going to fix it. Left to my mum, she would be on it the whole day and even remind you the next day. So, that is one of the periods I cannot forget.
Are there other memories?
Yes, growing up, we don’t really go out in the kind of family I came from. I could say we had this triangular lifestyle; from church to school, and school to house. This lifestyle stuck with me, till my university days even though I was alone. It was from the lecture to the market and market back to the room. So, I did not really make friends and people thought that was weird of me. I am very reserved but that does not mean I don’t have friends.
How did you navigate Delta State University with your reserved nature?
Let me start this way. I wanted to study Medicine but couldn’t get admission. So, I was eventually offered Human Physiology. Along the line, I realised that my passion was in business. In fact, I discovered this passion in my first year as an undergraduate and I started with female fashion items like bags, shoes and so on. I later switched to hair. It was my friend who introduced me to the hair business and it was really booming, even till now. I later participated in a beauty pageant, Miss Delta.
Even as an introvert?
It was my hairstylist that introduced me to the competition. He said to me ‘I feel you can do this’ while holding the flyer. He told me ‘You have what it takes to get it. Just register’. Initially, I did not want to go but later decided to give it a try. To me, I was just having fun even when I signed up. So, that was how I registered for the Most Beautiful Girl in Delta State in 2012.
What did the process look like?
There was a three to four weeks’ training after we enrolled. They taught us how to walk, talk, sit and trained us on some basic questions. So, selection was based on how you walk because they wanted to see how you carry yourself even after grooming. There was also a question and answer session. Also, there was presentation of a task.
Did you think you would win?
I didn’t think I would win at that time. There were other girls too. But, I knew I could be a queen even though I was not 100 per cent sure at that time. I prepared for it and gave a try. So, I said to myself ‘it is still part of an experience in life even if I don’t win’.
What were the questions asked?
I was asked about the food and where I hailed from. So, I spoke about Ukodo and I told them how to cook it when asked.
What did you get as the winner?
I was given a cash prize of N300,000 at that time. My tuition was paid for. I also got other gift items aside from that. Winning the pageant gave me the platform to meet people [both men and women] that could impact my life positively.
How do you address negative perception of beauty pageants?
For me, it wasn’t negative. There was no exchange and you know what I mean by that. You should just do your thing if you have the mindset and you know what brought you there. You either win or lose. People have this mindset that there must be an exchange which is not always true. You can go there, do your thing and you can win that crown.
You had nicknames?
Some would say Barbie. A lot of people would say Chinese woman.
What did life present you after school?
I went fully into my hair business. I am not yet where I want to be because I want a complete a beauty house where you can walk in and have everything; a one-stop shop.
How did you meet Aare?
I met him on a trip to Abuja some years back. We just ran into each other. There was no introduction from anyone.
What attracted you to him?
His charisma. We started talking from that day. He has this love for helping people. He can go out of his way to help people and I have experienced that several times. He does not like it when someone is being oppressed. That is one beautiful thing I love about him.
How did your family react to you choosing him?
They were happy for me.
What’s your advice to your women on marriage?
I would say you learn every day in marriage. For me, it should not be about what you can give me now but the potential in that person. Once a man has a potential, the sky is just the starting point.
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