Rescuing Yorubaland - Tribune Online

The beasts of Nollywood – Tribune Online

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There was a time when people felt shame. Society did not trifle with its morals, and literature reflected that. Do you remember these lines from a folk song: “Eni ba ti jale lerekan, to ba daran b’ori, aso ole lo da bo’ra’?  (Whoever has stolen once/even if he covers his head with aran cloth/it is the clothing of a theft.) These days, former thieves not only occupy Government House, they are actually the only ones with a realistic pathway to power. And that’s why Ebun Oloyede, the A-list actor fondly referred to as Olaiya Igwe, is in the news for sacrificing everything that is good to worship at the altar of politics: he made a sea-side video in his birthday suit, soliciting divine approval of the presidential aspiration of the All Progressives Congress (APC) candidate, Chief Bola Ahmed Tinubu.

Speaking on Television Continental’s Your View programme on Monday this week, Oloyede tried to pin his nudity on divinity. He claimed to have “a gift of revelation from the Almighty God” which gives him prophetic powers. Hear him: “I was sleeping that day, and the voice came to me and said, Please stand up. You said you love Asiwaju, and he has been assisting you. Stand up. Go and do this, this and this for him. I am an artiste but a bit of a politician. But professionally, I am an artiste. So I said ok, as an artiste, I can do it.”

It is unthinkable that a man over 60 years old would cast his history, heritage, legacy, family name and honour, assuming he ever had any, aside because of anybody, let alone a presidential candidate with a history of drug trafficking. At his age, Olaiya definitely has children of marriageable age, and it is tragic that he did not realize that any lady dating his son would be taunted by her mates with the shameless video he made while addressing water demons. Olaiya, blinded by his mendicancy lust, said he could do anything to support Mr. Tinubu’s candidature, as long as he believed that it did not affect others negatively! But here’s what a foe of his prospective daughter-in-law would say to her during a quarrel: “Stupid girl, wife of mad people! Is it not your father-in-law’s thing that the whole world has seen on video? Idiot!” As the Yoruba say, it is family members that can call such an absurdity amodi (a mild ailment); outsiders would call it were (outright lunacy).

These celebrities are insane, literally insane, or what else would make anyone to publicly humiliate his generation like Olaiya Igwe did last week? This is the same shameless old buffoon that recently rolled on the floor in worship of a 47-year-old motor park boss  called MC Oluomo, trampling on Yoruba culture because of a car gift! Ah, this land is gone! Such men can do anything for money. All it needs is a whisper from the same demons promoting the buffoonery that the God who clothed men would answer them faster if they stripped themselves stark naked! These are clothed lunatics and as I have said time and again, it isn’t just that these so-called celebrities make movies that erode our cultural values; they also lead many astray with their ugly lifestyles and pronouncements, which leads me to the next theatre practitioner on my list, Angela Eguavoen.

We do not need to bother ourselves with the moron who recently claimed that a N10 million wedding is for poor people in a country where the minimum wage is N30,000. Let’s hear Miss Eguavoen: “Women don’t even need men to pleasure them. There are gadgets that are even faster and sweeter than men… Why would a broke man even date a lady? Men should be responsible for their partners’ bills if they want women to respect them.” Well, it’s a terrible thing to open your mouth just because you have one. So women are leeches that depend on men for everything? Ms. Angela apparently has vast experiences with men and gadgets, but let her remember that gadgets can have no mercy, and will make her wider than the Atlantic, and therefore of no use to the sons of men. Besides, Angela should know that sex toys are also available to men that choose to go that route.

I suppose Ms. Angela will get pregnant through gadgets. Gadgets are now the in-thing, and didn’t a woman claim that a doll had cheated on her the other day? Ruined by gadgets, these brutes who call themselves women can’t enjoy sex with men anymore. With an empty head buried under a forest of wigs, they think they’re superior to everyone else. Will gadgets keep Angela warm now that December cold is warming up? These are the celebrities that destroy young women, making them insatiable sex demons, drug mules and disease vectors. Do you see now why they never keep a home? Only a third-hand, reprobate-minded woman would elevate gadgets above men made in the image of God!


Is it gadgets that a woman will dance with in the sitting room? If gadgets are faster and sweeter than men, are they also loving and caring? Will you prepare breakfast for gadgets? There’s nothing sweeter than a kiss by the one you truly, deeply love. Gadgets have no soul and can’t write you a poem: men can. Is it gadgets that will buy you George and Ankara on the way home? Will gadgets comfort Angela in her old age? Even now, will gadgets help her zip up her blouse? Will gadgets do the dishes while she fixes her hair? I’m sorry to refer to the old woman, but was it gadgets that impregnated her mother? A woman shouldn’t be a mobile toilet.

Nothing in this world can ever replace what God made, but Nollywood and sense often can’t go together. In the play Samu Alajo, the lead actor actually asks his prospective mother-in-law what her bra size is! Osanobua! These people are really dense! How can any man’s mouth “contain” such words? When you ask your mother-in-law her bra size, you inevitably must ask what size her panties are. Saamu Alajo, like his colleagues, is insane.


Re: Osun Assembly’s ludicrous lecture

I have just finished your last Saturday’s column in the Tribune and I say KUDOS! In the name of dubious populism, Rauf Aregbesola changed Osun State to State of Osun, thus violating the 1999 CFRN, which he swore an oath to uphold and defend. For 8 years he presided over, collected and spent federal revenue on an illegal entity. Were we operating in a sane environment, the current Minister of Interior ought to be serving a jail term in one of the Correctional Centres he now supervises for a monumental breach of the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, as amended.

Barr. Ayo Olalere, Ibadan

0806 078 2216

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