Handling the crowd

The endangered marriage (1) – Tribune Online

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One thing we all must watch out for and care about is the status of the marriage institution as an endangered one. One cannot but worry at the rate at which the marriage institution is fast losing its appeal to many. Don’t get carried away or deceived by the many wedding ceremonies going on in the societies across the nations of the world. The truth is that, with the marriage institution, things are falling apart, and the centre is fast losing its grip; let’s not pretend that it’s no big deal. It is, because our society is at the verge of collapse, due to the building blocks coming from the marriage institution. They are compromised and thus, affecting the quality of the super structure of the societal building.

How did we get here, endangering the most important institution of the world? This will be our focus as we journey into the New Year, 2023. Why? That we all may be challenged to rein in our personalities that is endangering the marriage institution, so that it’s broken down walls can be rebuilt without delay.

 

What endangers marriage?

  • When you stop doing what brought you into the marriage: These are things you used to do for each other at the beginning of your relationship, which eventually culminated in marriage. When you stop doing what brought you into the marriage of joy, peace, enjoyment etc, you start losing grip of the marriage. Someone said, “If you stop doing what takes you to the top in your field or the zenith of life, you are on your way down.” That’s exactly what I am driving at here.

What have you lost in your marriage to the challenges of life? What have you become complacent about in your marital relationship? What have you trivialised in your marriage? What have you put on hold or neglected in making your marriage a heaven on earth? This season is a good time to examine your marriage and return the spark or rekindle the fire of love therein. You should come together and reason about what has come over you; what happened to us in this marital journey, and right the wrongs. Who has seen this house in its former glory, and now sees it, is what the marriage institution has become for many. There is therefore the need to return the glory of our marriage.

  • The glory of the love songs and poems: Many couples have stopped singing love songs and composing poems of love for themselves. This is seriously negating the “keep the fire burning” slogan which was the feature of their beginning in the marriage.
  • The movement or location information: Couples, who used to share their location information per time, are no longer passionate about it. It’s now once a while affairs. It’s not uncommon in some instances for a spouse to respond to his or her partner, “Why do want to know my movement. Are you suspecting me?” But, initially it was never like that.
  • The gifts: Many couples have stopped surprise gift package habit in their marriage. It’s now once in a blue moon. This has also produced the discouraged wife/husband, in this gift sharing habit.
  • The respect or courteous attitude: This has gone with courtship and honey moon stages. It’s now time to be disrespectful; after all, we are now married.
  • The cautious language: Cautious language is no longer the order of the day. We can exchange words now at will, without blinking the eyes. But before, it never used to be like that.
  • The tempters’ updates: Gisting your partner about the persons luring you for extra marital affairs has become outdated. You no longer see the need for it. So, you are now keeping mute about such situations
  • The love hugs, pecks and giggles: Do you realize that the hugs, pecks and giggles in your marriage have become outdated. If you now do it once a while, it is with an attitude of reluctance. It does not come easy any more.
  • The love affirmation: You no longer affirm your love to your spouse. Even when you get to do so by chance or compelling situations, it like forcing gravel down your throat.
  • The listening ears: You that could stay awake for hours to discuss with your spouse is now making excuses for not having time for him or her. It’s now always about your job, business and hobbies.
  • The sacrifices: At the initial stage of your marriage, you were readily making sacrifices for your marriage. But, this has become something that is too much for you to do, for your marriage.
  • The sex escapades or intimacy: Sex, which used to be readily available, has now become what you are being chased for. It’s such a boring engagement in your marriage.
  • No more get away weekends
  • The fight for love is now obsolete: You are no longer ready to fight for it. Rather, you have resigned to fate or just don’t care anymore.
  • The distance managed intimacy is now rare.
  • The leading role in resolving issues has been lost to malice.
  • The ever forgiving spirit is now a vengeance motivated spirit in your marriage.
  • The nonsense tolerance posture is now replaced with a no nonsense attitude.

All these are endangering the marriage. This season provides us with a perfect timing to rebuild that marriage, regain your sanity and return to your first love. Stop the fantasy about the greener grass on the other side you giraffe into. Stop the fantasy about no challenges in the marriage. Don’t allow the voice of infatuation to becloud your sense of reasoning. Let this season be a time of the singing of the birds in your marriage. I’m your God sent angel to recover your marriage. It’s a brand new day for you.

ALSO READ FROM NIGERIAN TRIBUNE 

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