Each time couples come to me for counseling, I am always surprised that some of them still cling tenaciously to old wife’s fables, when it comes to sex and sexuality.
For instance, a man told me that men who desire children should wear boxer-styled shorts and loose-fitting pants all the time, so that their testicles – the sperm-producing organs – are not constricted. But constriction is not the problem.
The truth is that testicles are outside the body, because high body temperature may negatively impact sperm production. Therefore, wearing loose-fitting underwear is advisable. Men who are concerned about their fertility should also avoid staying too long in very hot weather.
The heat generated from laptops held in male laps can also cause low sperm count, which can make it difficult for them to father a child. It is always advisable that anytime a man wants to use the laptop, it should be placed on a desk or table. Of course, enlarged varicose veins in the scrotum, injury to the testicles, including damage done by bike-riding and so on, can also negatively impact on a man’s fertility.
Nowadays, many people mess around because they believe that sex with the same spouse could be boring. This is a pure lie. Sex with the same spouse could be interesting if only you want it to be. Research shows that people who have been married for a long time have the most frequent and satisfying sex lives. That’s because committed couples trust each other enough to express their deepest desires. Moreover, the emotional connection established over the years allows for erotic levels of intimacy. Since sex is often as much about trust as it is about chemistry, long-term relationships offer the possibility of a high-quality (and high-quantity) sex life.
That men crave for sex more that women may not really be true, because many women want sex more than their male counterparts. It’s not that women don’t crave a good erotic, breath-taking and explorative sex; it’s just that the mechanics of getting turned-on are a little more complicated for women than for a man. When a man wants to have sex, it’s the only thing on his mind. In women, the libido tends to be more easily distracted.
Therefore, for men to get more time in bed with their wives, they should simply try to be affectionate.
Some have said that good sex can make up for bad communication. There is no truth in this because what is required is two-way communication, and not just a few sessions of hot and passionate sex. Communication meltdown and tense conversations occur when people feel threatened. Couples should do everything possible to make each other emotionally safe and appreciated. Deep emotional connection enhances good sexual connection.
Sex without good two-way communication between partners is mere second degree prostitution.
Most husbands believe that the best sex occurs when the man takes the lead as the head of the home, while wives are to submissively play along, so that they won’t be tagged ‘spoilt.’ No. Sex between couples is team work, and not a one-man show. As such, it’s most titillating when both partners are getting their needs met, and fantasies realised.
Research shows that the best sex is achieved when the man allows his partner to have a lot of influence over their love-making experience. Husbands should encourage their wives to express themselves about their wants and needs. Fulfilling another’s desires can sometimes be the secret to spectacular sex.
Most times, I tell husbands that they undermine the sexual capabilities of their wives while taking the lead all the time. Tonight, husbands, give your wife the opportunity to take the lead. You will be surprised that there is a humble tiger in her.
The belief that the best sex is spontaneous is relative, you never can tell. The truth is that some of the best sex that couples have is scheduled and planned. Though it may sound routine, scheduled sex can be an advantage for a busy, sex-starved couple; waiting for that spur-of-the-moment escapade that sometimes never comes.
The appointment doesn’t necessarily have to be on date night; it can simply be something to look forward to on an otherwise-average evenings, once other members of the household are out of sight. Please, make sure they are really out of sight to prevent embarrassment.
It is a popular saying that sex should start when the husband gets an erection. On the contrary, good sex for a woman often begins long before the moment of her partner’s full salute. It’s the gentle caresses and loving attitude that are essential to great sex for a woman.
Satisfying sex for both partners begins with foreplay, whether it is fast and fun or drawn-out and sensual. But men who give their wives affection throughout the day, make things pleasurable for them and act thoughtfully are more likely to be lucky most nights.
It is far from truth when people say that happy marriage means that couples won’t be tempted, especially when they occupy a high religious position.
Most single ladies believe that the ‘ideal’ husband is a God-fearing man, or simply put, a ‘man of God.’ I often make them realise that even the so-called ‘God-fearing’ husbands are not exempted from temptations. They are, and will be tempted, because they do not walk around the place blindfolded. They see what every other person sees. It’s not the temptation that signals a problem in a man or woman in a marital relationship, it’s succumbing to it.
Every man faces temptations, no matter how healthy and strong his relationship with his wife is, or no matter how strong and powerful his relationship with God is. Whether he is a ‘man of God’ or ‘servant of God,’ a loving relationship can’t gag against flirtatious co-workers or attractive acquaintances. But men do have the ability to control their urges and prevent falling into temptations. Ask for the grace and strength to overcome such temptations.
Keeping the pictures of your spouse and family in your office, cell phones, wallets, and most importantly, in your heart could be a reminder of one’s relationship and commitment. Remember, the matter of the heart is the heart of the matter. Treasure your partner in the sacred place of your heart and no other person will be able to occupy that special space.
QUESTION ONE
I am a young woman with inverted nipples and this has been giving me much concern as I see it as abnormal. I don’t know what to do about it?
You need to see a medical doctor, who would instruct you on what to do. You have no cause to fear.
QUESTION TWO
What are the negative effects of sexual abstinence? Is there any side effect if a lady or a guy refuses to have sex for over thirty years? Will the man’s sperm not dry up in his body or the lady’s vagina be sealed forever?
The human body is designed to adapt to changes. A guy’s sperm cannot dry up and a lady’s vagina cannot be sealed simply on account of sexual abstinence. The body system is designed to take care of such eventualities.
QUESTION THREE
How do hemorrhoids or piles affect a man’s ability to engage in sexual intercourse in men?
They affect sexual intercourse in men because of the location of the hemorrhoid and the pain men feel while having penetrative sex. Sometimes, the pain may be so unbearable, especially when the penetrative sex is vigorously done. This is because hemorrhoids are painful, swollen veins in the lower portion of the rectum or anus.
A person having this will experience an itching anus, anal ache or pain during bowel movements. The most common cause is straining during bowel movements. Hemorrhoids may result from constipation, sitting for long periods of time, and anal infections. In some cases, they can be caused by other diseases, such as liver cirrhosis. Internal hemorrhoids occur just inside the anus, at the beginning of the rectum. External hemorrhoids occur at the anal opening and may hang outside the anus.
Over-the-counter corticosteroid creams can reduce pain and swelling. Use cotton undergarments, avoid using hard toilet tissue with perfumes or colors, and try not to scratch the area. Sitz baths can help you to feel better. Sit in warm water for 10 to 15 minutes. Take lots of vegetables and fruits to prevent constipation. If the condition persists, contact a doctor.
QUESTION FOUR
I have been having some problems in my home, particularly when it comes to love making with my wife. She is the type that doesn’t like that word intercourse. She’s always scared of making love with me. She also has these painful menstrual pains. If she manages to give it to me once a week, I thank God. We have been married for two years now without a child. I work offshore – one month in, one month out. I don’t enjoy her when I’m at home. Sometimes, we quarrel because of this and it is driving me mad. Sometimes, I feel like keeping another woman out for my pleasure, but I can’t because I love my wife and I’m a Christian. Please what can I do?
I can feel your frustration, and I know how men feel when they are denied of sex. As I always tell others, be patient with her. Try to explain your frustration to her and do that lovingly. No woman in her right frame of mind would want to deliberately destroy her home, except a foolish one. Tell her again and again how much you desire good sex. Help her out with her daily house chores that can task her energy and also allow her to take a lead whenever you want to have sex. I am sure these pieces of advice would be of help.
QUESTION FIVE
I sincerely need your advice on what I could do to regain my strength as a man. I am 37-years-old and I have the challenge of maintaining erection for more than two minutes after penetration. What really bothers me is the fact that my recovery time for another erection takes more than ages and sometimes my wife would have been long gone before I am back in the mood again. My greatest challenge is the fact that I can’t satisfy my woman any longer. Please, advise me on which doctor to meet that will appreciate the enormity of my travails and properly diagnose my problem.
There are lots of experienced doctors in the private and public sectors. You can visit some of the government teaching hospitals for help.
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