Earlier this week, I got a call from a very good female friend and she asked me some questions on when it would be okay for a woman or man to lie to their partner. I refused to directly respond to her question. I haven’t been blessed with telling lies and getting away without punishments. So I would rather just say the truth.
There is no time lying is okay , no time, it always comes out , and lying to someone close to you hurts them and hurts you. Whatever one’s stance is on open versus closed relationships, the most painful aspect of infidelity is often the fact that someone is hiding something so significant from their partner? And hiding those things eventually destroys trust.
Two adults can agree to whatever terms of a relationship they like, but the hidden part of going against the agreement is what makes an act a betrayal in terms of an affair or hiding other sensitive information is highly unethical. So most times when people get angry when a partner cheats, it is not because of the affair, but because of actions that lead to it, the secrets and lies that build gradually around the affair.
Lying is a very dangerous behavior, especially when infidelity is involved. It shatters trust and reality, spoiling any positive aspect of your relationship. Deception may be the most damaging aspect of infidelity. It all leads to sad realizations for the deceived partner, knowing or finding out that you have been living a secret life.
When you go through great lengths to deceive anyone, it shows how your level of moral decadence has hit you. Keeping a damaging secret destroys your partner’s sense of reality, although we do not have control over their emotions. It is true that feeling an attraction or falling in love may be experiences that are out of our control, but we do have control over whether we act on those emotions, and being honest about taking those actions is key to having a relationship based on real substance.
When we teach children that it is wrong to lie, and yet as older people we do exactly what we ask them not to do, who are we deceiving? The lines on telling lies and deception blur, as we get older, always finding excuses to keep the lies and deceptions justified. Most times, we get close to someone without setting boundaries. The issues we carry from our past weigh a lot on our behaviour and actions. Some habits are harmful and destroy things for both partners. At the end of the day, jealousy, possessiveness and insecurity can cause many problems with our partners.
Once you start compromising yourself or denying who you are, then you are no longer living in reality of what your relationship is about. You need to first of all be honest with yourself and your partner. Lies will come up. The truth is we need to make honest decisions about our lives and not compromise our integrity. This is not to say that people should not expect their partners to be faithful, but rather that couples should try to maintain an open and honest dialogue about their feelings and their relationship. Anything less than this will cause resentment.
When we treat our partners with respect and honesty, we are true not only to them, but to ourselves. If your partner can trust you, then they will be open enough to tell you their true feelings about yourself and others you may be attracted to. The more transparent you are, the better it is for you and your partner. The more you open up, the healthier you become in your relationship with your partner and other people. Conversely, the more comfortable we become with keeping secrets, the more likely we become to tell bigger and bigger lies.
For any relationship to be healthy, it has to be built on truth and honesty. Real freedom comes from making a choice on how you treat your partner, choosing to be honest every single day and keeping it real. Deception is one thing that should never be accepted or tolerated in a relationship.
There are so many types of deceptions (1) omission; (2) distortion; (3) half-truths; (4) blatant lies; (5) white lies; and (6) failed lies. Respondents rated their own and their partner’s use of each type of deception in terms of frequency. Whichever one is used at any point in time should never be accepted. It has a drastic impact on any relationship as the cycle of lies deepens.
It destroys trust
Possibly the most noticeable effect that deception has on a relationship is the washing-away of trust; trust cannot co-exist with falsehood; it crumbles. Trust is the pillar of any relationship. Once it crumbles, then that may be the end.
One lie leads to another lie
When you start telling small lies, it eventually leads to bigger lies. A destructive cycle may become difficult to break, when you get used to it. In addition, you need to keep up with the lies to cover previous lies. It is indeed a tough one.
It leads to poor health
When you deceive so much, it will eventually tell on your health.
With all this being said, lies and deception go hand in hand. Deception only brings pain, distrust and eventually doom because lies and deception can never stay hidden forever. The truth will, for sure, come out one day. So the best is being honest with your partner to have a healthy relationship because only the truth can set you free.
